filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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