i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
