There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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