i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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