he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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