the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
