i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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