I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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