life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
im on a boat
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