i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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