is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
