My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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