I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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