You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
