I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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