It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
