before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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