The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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