Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
