I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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