Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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