Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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