i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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