Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
