my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
