oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
