i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
