Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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