I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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