why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
