mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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