dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
