Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
