It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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