He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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