i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
