What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
