My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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