But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have tasted many bathrooms
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
