Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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