i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize