i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
