so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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