I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
