so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
