do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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