first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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