No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
