I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.