i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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