ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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