I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
