I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
