The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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