My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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