you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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