I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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