im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
