He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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