He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
