Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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