1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
