and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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