haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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