Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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