allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
