dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
