oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I stole a fireplace last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
