When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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