Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
