I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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