my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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