Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
