whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
