sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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